Marriage: Two
Practices to Develop
by Christian Family Life | Oct 3, 2018 |
Build, christian marriage
As we continue our third of nine posts in
the Fruit of the Spirit series, we are
focusing on joy. Merriam Webster defines
joy to experience great pleasure or delight.
Joy is not the same as happiness.
Happiness is an emotion and is dependent
on our circumstances. We experience joy
apart from our circumstances; joy is an
attitude of the heart. Read further to learn
how to develop joy in your marriage.
Staring at the huge display over the Nissan
Stadium scoreboard Asuka Hayes is
awestruck. It’s halftime at the Titans game.
Asuka and her family are being honored for
their sacrifice and sharing long-distance
Christmas wishes with her husband who is
currently serving in Afghanistan.
Quietly a golf cart pulls up behind Asuka
and her two children. The audience—close
to 70,000—stands and begins wildly
applauding. Staff Sergeant Larry Hayes
leaps out and embraces his family. It takes
Asuka and the kids a minute to
comprehend. Daddy isn’t up on that screen,
live-streaming from a battlefield 7,500
miles away. He’s home for Christmas!
This is what joy can look like.
Joy can also come from a very different
place—a doctor reports the cancer hasn’t
metastasized; a daughter calls to say she
wasn’t on the bus that wrecked; a job won’t
be eliminated after all.
For most of us, joy is relative.
Sometimes joy results from an amazing
high, other times its due to a narrow
escape. Joy can come and go. But as the
second fruit of the spirit (Gal 5:22), joy is a
barometer of our faith. When we are joyful,
we reflect God’s love for us. “Joy is the
infallible sign of the presence of God,”
wrote philosopher Pierre Teilhard de
Chardin. If we are in the Spirit, joy should
be a regular part of life.
Developing joy takes practice in marriage.
After all, reflecting God’s image and helping
others see the Gospel is the second
purpose for a Christian marriage. How do
we stay joyful when our spouse disappoints
us? Is it possible to show joy when
confronted with the reality of our sin and
failings? Can we have joy when life turns
out differently than we hoped?
Two means are especially helpful for
finding joy in your marriage: practicing
thankfulness and keeping perspective.
Practicing Thankfulness
Author Ann Voskamp argues that joy is
possible, even in the worst situations. The
key is being thankful. In One Thousand
Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You
Are, she writes, “Joy is always given, never
grasped. God gives gifts and I give thanks
and I unwrap the gift given.”
Says Voskamp:
As long as thanks is possible, then joy
is always possible. Whenever, meaning
—now; wherever, meaning—here. The
holy grail of joy is not in some exotic
location or some emotional mountain
peak experience. The joy wonder could
be here! Here, in the messy, piercing
ache of now, joy might be—
unbelievably—possible! The only place
we need see before we die is this
place of seeing God, here and now.
Practicing thankfulness in marriage begins
by being grateful for your spouse.
According to Scripture, our spouse is a
perfect provision, our gift from a loving God
who knows precisely what we need to be
blessed in our marriage and to grow closer
to him. The Bible also tells us that “every
good” and “perfect gift” is from God
(James 1:17).
Your spouse is something to be thankful for
—even if at times it’s hard to believe!
Focus on God and his promises, not your
mate’s performance or shortcomings. Take
time to recall the qualities you love and
thank God.
Have you ever met someone who exudes
the joy of the Lord? The one who doesn’t
allow any situations to get her down? She
is a person who practices thankfulness.
“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give
thanks in all circumstances,” wrote the
Apostle Paul, “for this is the will of God in
Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thessalonians 5:
16-18).
Thankfulness in your marriage is cultivated.
Pray. Read Scripture. Focus on God and his
promises. Avoid sources of discontent.
Remember that when you are feeling
ungrateful, or like a victim, it can be a sign
that you are not walking in faith but in fear.
Practicing Perspective
“The closer you live to God, the smaller
everything else appears,” writes Rick Warren
in The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth
am I Here For? Developing the right
perspective—being God-centered—is
another approach to develop joy in your
marriage.
If your perspective begins with you—your
rights, your needs, what you believe you’re
entitled to—you will not be able to develop
abiding joy in your relationship. The
Christian journey is one of sanctification
that moves us away from our selfish desires
of the flesh to an unselfish love for others.
This takes the power of the Spirit and is
not natural to us.
So often as married couples, we live in the
moment and are easily disappointed. Small
issues take on too much significance,
simple slights morph into character
assaults, shortcomings seem
insurmountable. Why worry about changing
our behavior when we can focus on an
imperfect spouse right in front of us? This
mindset limits joy. It indicates a need to
correct our perspective.
Finding Joy is a Choice
“The way you see your life shapes your
life,” says Warren, “Your perspective will
influence how you invest your time, spend
your money, use your talents, and value
your relationships.”
How do we develop a God-centered
perspective? Spending time in the Word is
very important. Prayer can’t be
underestimated. Serving those less
fortunate also helps to take our eyes off
ourselves. Ultimately, joy comes from
serving others, being close to our Creator
and examining the model of Jesus.
Completely sinless, Jesus took it upon
himself to pay the price for our failures and
sins. As we follow him and through the
power of the Holy Spirit try to live in
oneness with his purposes, we will obtain
joy in our marriages,
If you keep my commandments, you
will abide in my love, just as I have
kept my Father's commandments and
abide in his love. These things I have
spoken to you, that my joy may be in
you, and that your joy may be full.
(John 15:16-17)
“Measured against eternity, our time on
earth is just a blink of an eye,” says Rick
Warren, “but the consequences of it will
last forever.” It is possible to develop joy in
our lives and in our marriages. As followers
of Christ, we are given the tools to do so.
The question is whether or not we choose
to do so.
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